


5torming the Castle

by DarcSyster



Series: 5isters [7]
Category: AdventureQuest Worlds
Genre: Critique Fic, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 10:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21474244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarcSyster/pseuds/DarcSyster
Summary: Critique Ficis fan-fic which points out the errors, inconsistencies, and other problems with the source material but attempts to do it in a fun way. The characters in the story point out the problems without breaking the fourth wall, unless they are critiquing breaking the fourth wall.
Series: 5isters [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1037801





	5torming the Castle

**Author's Note:**

> _Critique Fic_ is fan-fic which points out the errors, inconsistencies, and other problems with the source material but attempts to do it in a fun way. The characters in the story point out the problems without breaking the fourth wall, unless they are critiquing breaking the fourth wall.

"Ah, Hero. You have finally made it to Shadowfall," Dage the Evil greeted. "The Undead Legion has heard countless stories of your great power. On behalf of the Legion, we would like to award our greatest minion with the distinguished Undead Warrior upgrade."

"Minion?" 5torm asked unhappily. "That's all I am to you? If you had called me a _soldier in the cause_, then I might have considered your offer. But a _minion_? Do I look like a small, yellow, pill-shaped male?"

"No, but you _are_ an underling," Dage stated.

"_Underling_ now. This is how you maintain morale in your legion?" 5torm asked. "I'm trying to suggest ways you could enhance legion cohesion and loyalty and this is what I get?"

"Oh!" Dage responded. "Let me rephrase that. On behalf of the Undead Legion, we would like to award our greatest _soldier in the cause_ with the distinguished Undead Warrior upgrade."

"Except that I'm a mage," 5torm responded.

Dage simmered. "Do you want the upgrade, yes or no?" he demanded.

"To be a member of the Undead Legion, don't I need to swear allegiance to you above all else?" 5torm asked.

"That is a mere formality," Dage responded. "_I_ am sworn to the service of the empress, so serving me means you also serve the empress and all of the Shadowscythe."

"But you first," 5torm said.

"As I said, a mere formality," Dage responded.

"But I'm already sworn to the service of evil first," 5torm replied. "I'd need to renege that oath in order to swear allegiance to you and the Legion first."

"But you would still be in the service of the Empress and the Shadowscythe," Dage responded. "You would simply be doing it through the Legion instead."

"You're evil," 5torm stated.

"Of course I'm evil," Dage responded. "I'm Dage the Evil."

"You would trust the oath of someone who had already proven themselves unworthy of trust by reneging on a previous oath of allegiance?" 5torm asked.

"Of course not!" Dage responded. "That's why we have a series of tasks for new recruits to prove their loyalty."

"Given the nature of those challenges, it seems you really want to see who wants that armour upgrade enough as opposed to testing their actual loyalty," 5torm responded. "Oh, I get it! Once they have the armour, it magically ensures their loyalty. They put it on and their soul is yours. That's the _perfect_ way to do it. _Definitely_ most evil! It sounds like something I might do."

It was impossible to gauge what Dage might be thinking under his helm. "I withdraw the offer," Dage said. "I will not allow you to incite rebellion amongst my loyal legion members. Get out!"

5torm stepped out of the room. "That didn't go as well as I had hoped. Maybe I played it too smart," she said to herself. She eventually found the throne room.  


  


"Even candy from a baby, hmm?" Gravelyn said. "And you think that proves your allegiance to my throne? You think puppy-punters will help destroy Chaos?" She threw the lollipop down to the floor. It was snatched up by her puppy. 

"I did the tasks YOU set me, Your Highness," 5torm responded. "I followed your orders, working for your cause."

"Let me tell you something 5torm. All my life, I've lived in my Father's shadow." Gravelyn smashed apart a skeletal servant in anger. "Learned his tricks, watched as undead leapt to obey his commands. Watched and learned. Chaos CANNOT be overcome without a strong ruler. ANd it appears that ruler will have to be me. You DID do what I ask, everything I asked. You will do the same and more in my name, yes? So that we can see the Alliance defeat Chaos and ensure that my armies, my throne, and my world all recognize the rightful leader of the Shadowscythe?"

5torm bowed, hoping to hide her face less her lies showed through. "I am committed to serving you, my Empress," 5torm stated. "And to ensuring Chaos's1 destruction! Everything I have is sworn to realizing that victory!"

"Wait here, 5torm," Gravelyn instructed. "There are plans I must share with you, but first ..." She stepped out of the room. A scream was heard, followed by the sound of something heavy hitting the floor, then laughter. Gravelyn returned wearing an incredibly skimpy outfit with the highest of heels. 5torm stared in disbelief. "Let them all come at me!" Gravelyn cried confidently. "They think I am weak, and I'll let them. Any who get close will be struck down before they can come within arm's reach. They will lose, and we will win. Chaos must be destroyed so that Shadowfall can rise again! You don't look impressed."

"On the contrary," 5torm responded. "I am quite impressed. It is clear that when others see your new armour, they will indeed think you weak, _ weak in the head_. Do you really think your foes will attack you with swords and not with arrows, quarrels, bullets, and spells fired from a safe distance? You had me waste my time stealing candy from children just so you can make the front cover of PlayEvil magazine? If you truly wish us to follow you, we need a leader we can truly respect, not the wet dream of a still-adolescent-minded game designer!"

"Too much?" Gravelyn asked.

"Oh no!" 5torm responded. "Not enough! As I clearly demonstrate, it is very possible to look distractingly sexy and stylish in armour that hints at non-existent vulnerability but _commands_ respect. I think with a little bit of work, we can do much better. Dage!" Dage entered the throne room. "The empress needs new armour."

"Clearly," Dage responded in clear bewilderment.

"She is a woman obviously," 5torm said. "It should be sexy and stylish, hinting at non-existent feminine vulnerability, while commanding respect."

"You are clearly superior to me in such matters," Dage said to 5torm, trying as respectfully as possible to avoid looking at Gravelyn.

"I will need some materials," 5torm responded.

"I will do what I can in this matter, _from my workshop_," Dage responded. "Anything else?"

"No," 5torm replied. "And thank you."

Dage bowed before the empress, still avoiding looking at her, and then, still avoiding looking at her, beat a quick departure. From outside the room, they could hear Dage nervously saying to the others. "The empress is indisposed. She will see you later."

"Not so good," Gravelyn sighed furiously.

"As you have said, all your life, you have lived in your Father's shadow, learned his tricks. But _he_ was a man," 5torm stated. "What living human women were there in your life to show you what it means to be a woman?"

"None," Gravelyn replied.

"Then you are currently nothing more than a shadow of him and the ideas the men about him had of women," 5torm stated. Furiously, Gravelyn picked up her doom weapon. "Let us change that so that no one will ever again doubt that you are your own woman, and one more than fit to command the likes of the 5hadowscythe." Gravelyn found herself confused, furious, but no longer sure where to direct her fury. "And as for this outfit? Keep it for the beach."

  


"Another poor chump trying to win Scarletta's heart, eh?" said the Thief of Hearts. "Well, it isn't going to work. Hundreds have tried - including me - but what's it gotten us? Stuck in here, wandering the halls forever, that's what. You never should have come here." 

"I didn't know she swung both ways," 5torm responded.

"I'm pretty sure she must," the thief responded.

"But all of the fervent suitors here are male!" 5torm cried. "I guess that says something about the women who come here. Either Scarletta prefers women, or they're smart enough to leave when they've been rejected. However, I'm not here to try to win Scarletta's heart. I'm here to overthrow her!"

"OMG, you're here to rescue everyone?" the thief asked in awe. "Well, count me in! If you can really get me out of here, I'll do anything I can to help. The girls you're here to rescue are all trapped in the mirrors. To get to them, you'll need to find your way INSIDE them - and then find your way back out again."

"What makes you think I'm here to rescue some girls, or anyone for that matter?" 5torm asked.

"You're a hero, aren't you?" the thief asked. 

5torm sighed in frustration. "I should kill you," she whispered. She paused in thought. "After I defeat Scarletta. You might be useful before then."

"I can make myself very useful," the thief said.

  


Having freed several of the prisoners from the mirrors, 5torm wandered the halls. "If the next one asks me to save their real true love and it isn't the person I just saved, I'm going to kill them!" she whispered under her breath.

  


"It's over Scarletta," 5torm stated. "Release them all."

"Now why would I do that?" Scarletta asked in response.

"Because you lost and I want to claim the Throne of Darkness for myself?"

"I'm going to practice my crazy, cliche, evil villain laugh now. Ready? Haha...HAHAHA...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! How was it?"

"Honestly? I've heard crazier, more cliche, more evil, and more villainous laughs from lesser foes. Would you like to hear mine?" 5torm responded. Scarletta knocked 5torm over with her sceptre.

"I am Queen Scarletta Tyral!" Scarletta stated authoritatively. 

"Tyral! That name seems familiar."

"Do you think that you are the first one in 9,000 years to make it up here?"

"No, but I'm the one who's defeated you."

"Oh, my poor dear sweet and naive hero...No! You're just another of the 9,000 beautiful people trapped in my mirrors. You barely freed a handful of them. It's been a pleasure, but back in you go." Scaretta snapped her fingers. Immediately, Andres, Gisele, and the others were pulled back into their mirrors, leaving only Melodia, 5torm, and Scarletta in the room. 

"Of course I'm beautiful. I'm almost as beautiful as I am evil," 5torm said. "But you're making a big, big mistake, really huge. Didn't anyone ever tell you there's one thing you never put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there's one thing you never, ever put in a trap."

"And what would that be?"

"Me!"

"It's over, 5torm," Scarletta asserted. "You actually lost this one."

"Then let me get just one thing straight," 5torm began. "Every year, for 9,000 years, you have captured a beautiful person and trapped them in your mirrors?"

"Correct."

"So you have 9,000 years of beauty?"

"Yes. Is this going somewhere?"

"And there are 9,000 mirrors in this tower?"

"Way more than that actually."

"And they are ALL connected to this throne room?"

"Obviously. Are you done wasting my time?"

"Melodia?" 5torm called. "Remember when you said you were looking for that moment to have your voice noticed? Hit the highest, loudest note you can. Right now."

"What!?" Melodia asked in surprise.

"Do it!" 5torm commanded. "Sing!"

"Oh please! Do you really think she can hit a high enough note to break a mirror?" Melodia began to sing a single note. "She's just another pretty face with no real talent. Just another silly girl chasing a hopeless dream. See. I told you this was not going to - My eyes! You just shattered my mirrored eyes! NOOOOOO! MY MIRRORS! MY MIRRORS!"

"Practice is what makes it perfect," 5torm stated. "You've given her plenty. That's the problem with villains like you. You never give it enough thought! You give evil a reputation for being _too easy_! Once _I_ claim the Throne of Darkness, I'll show you how it's really done!"

  


"You know what is REALLY funny?" the mysterious hooded being asked. "The whole time we've been sitting here listening to your stories… ..about how 5torm beat you, whooped you, defeated and embarrassed each of you… 5torm has been in the dungeon below this very castle!"

"5torm is HERE?" Sekt asked in surprise.

"Wait.. what!?" Pax asked.

"Seriously, she is trapped in this Castle's dungeon RIGHT NOW?" the Groglurk asked.

"Yes," the Mysterious Figure responded as they smiled darkly. "And now it is time for the grand finale! Ready to find out why you're all REALLY here? I've gathered you all here for ONE reason."

"5TORM MUST DIE!" the others yelled together.

"SHE BROKE INTO MY CASTLE OF BONE, STOLE MY HELM AND CHOPPED OFF MY **CURSED GAUNTLET**!" Vaden stated angrily. "5TORM WILL PAY FOR TAKING MY GAUNTLET AND POWERS!"

" I used the **Cursed Tachyon** blades to travel through time 7 times trying to stop 5torm from doing what I read in my Diary," Xeven - no Xeight stated. "Make that 8 times."

"My **Cursed Badge** made me the immortal champion of the Death Arena," Pax said. "But now I stand defeated. 5torm and Twilly will pay for disgracing me!"

"My **Cursed Amulet** made anything I wished for came true! Instantly! 100% Legit!" Ziri called. "Now I just like licking crayons to see what the colors smell like."

"My **Cursed Staff** allowed me to control the 4th Dimensional Pyramid," Sekt said, "but 5torm took its power source and left me banished and afflicted by the Black Plague."

"My **Cursed Crown** allowed me to steal the beauty of the young and preserve my status as the most beautiful woman in the entire world," Scaletta the Groglurk said. "Until 5torm destroyed my Tower of Mirrors… and made me like this."

"And I was an evil talking table," said the table, "who no one even freaking bothered to say hi to this adventure!"

"The table is talking!?" called the assembled group.

"No… The EVIL Super Villain is talking!" Plank, the table asserted. "Know your place, plebs. Do you have any idea how many great villains have met around me? From the DoomKnight Sepulchure to the Great Monster King… *I* was their table."

"YOU WERE THE TABLE OF… MY IDOL?" Vaden asked in awe.

"Yes! >_< So, do I FINALLY get to tell my story now?" Plank asked.

"But I thought we were going to finally find out who the Mysterious robed guy is," Pax said.

"Yeah, I really want to know!" Xeight agreed eagerly.

"Oooh! Oooh! I think I know. I read the forums and we think we figured it out!" Ziri cried.

"OMG! QUIET!" Plank yelled. "You people are so freaking inconsiderate. Do you REALLY want to know who is sitting there under that Robe of Shadows?"

"YES!" they all cried.

"Do you want to know the REAL reason you were all gathered here?" Plank demanded.

"YES!"

"Then listen up," Plank began.

  


"And that is how 5torm became our prisoner," Plank finished. "**I** have had her trapped in the Dungeon beneath this Castle the whole time."

"In fact, I checked on her just an hour ago, right before we began our meeting," Mysterious said. "5torm was in her cell."

"Are you having a nice stay?" Mysterious asked.

"Let's just say I am only giving this place 1 star on Trip advisor," 5torm responded.

The mysterious figure sniffed snobbishly. "Hmm, maybe we should have put a potty in here."

"It is not like RPG characters ever actually go to the bathroom anyway," 5torm said.

"I always felt they should add a 'bladder meter'," Mysterious responded.

"Instead, how about you tell me that you are going to kill me and then divulge your entire evil secret plan," 5torm said. "Then, leave a minion in charge of some slow moving death device as you laugh evilly and walk off. It is what evil villains in movies, TV shows, comic books, and RPGs are suppose to do."

"You're right about that, but no!" the mysterious figure responded. "I think I really will just add a bladdermeter."

"SERIOUSLY!?" 5torm called in disbelief. "Isn't that a bit juvenile?"

"Of course it is," Mysterious replied. "We are rated E10 after all. We need to appeal to the 10 year olds somehow. I really do love our little chats, 5torm, but I have special guests coming for a meeting upstairs." He smiled darkly.

"Then, you found them?" 5torm asked.

"Yes," Mysterious confirmed. "I cannot wait to hear what they have to say about you. Well then… Skudly! Make sure 5torm stays put, and stays nice and clean. CLEAN, SKUDLY! We would not want to ruin our 'main event' at the end of the meeting."

"Yah, ma'lard!" Skudly responded.

  


"Oh no!" Skudly cried. "You not really pee all over floor, did you?" He opened the cell door and stepped inside. "Eeeeuuuugh! It's SO STICKY in here! You stay dere while Skudly clean up dis mess." As he bent over to clean the mess, 5torm's undead minion struck Skudly hard.

"Let's just… leave the little guy sleeping here," 5torm mused. She carefully made her way down the hallway. "You!" she called to a chronomancer locked in a cell. "Do you know the way out?"

"Hello, Hero," the chronomancer greeted. "I knew you would pass by this cell if I arranged to be imprisoned in it, and I suspected that you would not leave without freeing me. I'm glad that I was correct! You and I will find ourselves opposing each other in your future - or is it your past? - in the maze of portals. But even knowing this, I bear you no ill will. All of it is necessary. Just as now, it is necessary for me to be here to guide you, not to an exit, but to your destiny deeper inside the castle."

"I meant out of the dungeon," 5torm sighed. "Not out of the castle. Why would I want to leave the castle? Everything is going _almost_ according to plan!"

"You could leave if you wanted to, of course. You do have free will," Nia Marmara said. "But if you leave now, you won't be able to stop Dr. Darkwood's Lore-shattering end game. Keep going forward, into the vault. All of the answers you need can be found there."

"Of course!" 5torm said with a sigh. "Chronomancers! They never tell you quite what you want to know." She continued her way down the hallway. She found the vault at the end of the corridor and stepped inside. "So dark in here," she said. "Good thing I'm also a pyromancer. _Let there be flame_!" She looked around. "What _is_ this place? Who keeps a Treasure Vault right next to their prison?! And I was beginning to think _Mysterious_ was smarter than that. Whoa… these are all the cursed items! Why are all these cursed items here? If it were me running this, I'd be putting these in a much safer place. In fact, I was sure I had! I should have gotten 5hadoe to help me. Make a mental note for next time. I guess Mysterious is smart - sometimes. Even so, better these be in _my_ possession than his." She gathered up Vaden's gauntlet, Xeight's tachyon blade, Ziri's necklace, Pax's medallion, Sekt's _Eye of the Old Gods_, Scarletta's crown, and her own box and placed them carefully in her bag of temporary holding. She left the vault and continued on. Finally, she found _Mysterious_. "Stop right there!" she called. "I know what you're up to now, and I'm going to stop you!"

"Oh! It's you," Mysterious sighed. "I guess I should have expect this. You are a hero after all."

"Anti-hero," 5torm corrected. 

"No matter," Mysterious said. "It's too late. I've already assembled all of the villains who are using the cursed items."

"Not if I stop you right here!" 5torm said.

"Unfortunately, it's time for tea," Mysterious said. "Skudly! Two lumps." In little time, Skudly was lying slumped on the floor. "Skudly!" Mysterious called. He turned to 5torm. "How could you?? You beat up poor, innocent Skudly! What did the he ever do to you?"

"Beat me and then shut me in a cell where I peed myself?" 5torm said coldly.

"I mean OTHER than that!" Mysterious said.

"It's over," 5torm stated.

"It's not over til the fat lady sings!" Mysterious responded. "…and the Groglurk - which is YOUR fault, by the way - is waiting for me in the other room!"

"This is your last chance," 5torm said. "I know what you're going to do. And I had thought you smarter than that. You have time to stop it."

"And THAT, Hero, is where you're wrong," Mysterious responded. "About having time to stop it, not about me being smarter. You're right about that. It doesn't matter whether I do it somebody else does it, or YOU are the one who does it. IT is coming. And when it does, I plan on being on the winning side."

"Then if you were really smart, you'd know that _I_ am the winning side!" 5torm stated.

"Come now!" Mysterious responded. "You're the hero!"

"_Anti_-hero!" 5torm corrected.

"You're sounding more villainous than me!"

"Maybe there's a good reason for that," 5torm said.

"I was hoping to sacrifice you at the end of our meeting," Mysterious sighed. "But if you've got a death wish, then I will NOT need Ziri's amulet to make it come true! DIE!!!"

"As if you think _that_ is going to work on a necromancer," 5torm said as she and her skeletal minion soon defeated Mysterious. She stood over her her vanquished foe. "We really need a higher quality of evil in this world. It can't be left all to me."

  


Back in the meeting room...

"Wait… you were defeated right before this meeting started?" Xeight cried.

"If the real Mysterious was defeated then…" Scarletta began.

"IMPOSSIBLE!" Vaden cried. "THAT MEANS THIS WHOLE TIME YOU WERE ACTUALLY…"

"Oh man this is good," Sekt mused.

"YES! YES! YES!" Ziri cried. "I called it! Told you I knew it… I freaking knew it!"

"You're… You're…" Pax sighed.

"You were all going to find out eventually," the mysterious figure responded. "None of you are quite _that_ stupid. You've all figured it out. No point in hiding it now." They lowered their hood. "Boo!" 5torm said.

"5torm!!!!!" they all cried.

"You have been sitting there the entire time listening to our stories about you?" Xeight asked.

"Yes," 5torm responded. "It was interesting hearing them told from all of your points of view. The way I remember them was quite different."

"YOU… have dissssshonored me for the last time!" Pax hissed. "Kill her!"

"Wait!" 5torm called. "I…"

"I'LL EAT YOU WHOLE!" Scarletta yelled.

"Seriously, guy?" 5torm called. "I am here to tell you someth…"

"YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!" Vaden yelled.

"Guys! Guys!" 5torm called. "Please.. Listen…"

"The time for talk is over," Sekt said. "Now is the time for me kill you and fulfill the prophecy."

"Oh man 5torm," Vaden said. "You're about to get your @$$ kicked."

Ziri swore and suddenly went silent. "HAH!" Pax taunted. "Serves you right you little -"

"I HAVE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU ALL!" 5torm yelled.

"I'm sorry 5torm," Xeight said. "No time for that. This is where you die."

"STEP ASIDE LITTLE GIRL," Vaden said. "SHE'S MINE!"

5torm sighed. "I had hoped this would go better," she said. "Very well." 

  


5torm huffed as she stood over her fallen foes. "OK, guys," she said. "NOW can we talk? _I_ gathered you all here… for a reason. Look at you lot! If the lot of you are the highest quality of evil on Lore, then we have a serious quality problem. And it's about to get worse. That's why I need your help."

"Our help!?" the others asked in bewilderment.

"Yes," 5torm said. "You all owe me."

"Actually, we want to kill you," the groglurk Scarletta said.

"Ah, yeah… BUT…" 5torm began. "Maybe that's not in your best interests. Consider what I've done for each of you."

"_For_ us?" they all cried.

"I showed you your weaknesses," 5torm said. "For evil to succeed, it needs to be not just strong, but _smart_! You all thought you were untouchable. You all thought you could never be defeated. And yet, all of you were defeated! By rights of conquest, that should make _me_ your ruler, the evil mastermind you pay homage to who looks after _our_ interests, your _Big Sister_, your _Godmother_! I think I've proven to you that I have what it takes. So before any of you _think_ of killing me _again_, consider that you ALL owe me a favor."

"A favor?!?" Vaden cried. "You must be kidding. A favor for what??"

"For returning all of THESE," 5torm said as she gave back the cursed items. "You're no good to me as lieutenants without these."

"Is… Is that…!" the groglurk called as she put on the crown. Suddenly, she was a most beautiful woman again. "I… I can't believe it!"

"Ahh!" Sekt sighed in contentment. "Much better."

"Ziri has his necklace baaaaack!"

"MY GAUNTLET IS TOO TIGHT ON THIS STUPID HORC ARM!"

"Well, this is nice and all," Pax commented, "but I'm STILL a janitor."

"I'll put in a word for you with Twilly," 5torm said.

"5torm?" Xeight called. "What did you come here to tell us?"

"I have heard the whispers in the darkness," 5torm said.

"Yes," they all confirmed. "I have too."

"As evil beings, we all know the importance of eliminating the competition," 5torm said. "By defeating you all, I have eliminated you all in the competition for the title of the most evil being in all of Lore. However, _smart_ evil figures out what is in their own best interests and sometimes that means making allies of former _respected_ enemies who have mutually agreeable interests in order to eliminate a competitor who would be worse for **ALL** of us. That is why I am recruiting you on my team for a special mission to stop what is coming. **IT** is coming."

"But you didn't even tell them what it is yet!" Plank said. "Hahaha… are you crazy?"

"I sorta like crazy, for the record," Ziri said.

"What could be more dangerous then all of us?" Pax asked.

"**IT** is a bigger threat than any of us here ever were," 5torm said. "**It** is bigger than your need for revenge. **It** is more than _I_ can handle alone, more than _anyone_ can handle alone. If **It** succeeds, none of you will ever need to worry about me ever again, or anyone or anything else ever again, because all of us, every one of us, including each and every one of you, will be wiped away from existence, dead beyond death and undeath. I say that's not in our interests. So…. PROMISE ME! Promise me right now that you will join me to fight **it**!"

Plank laughed. "Are you serious? No one is going to…"

"I PROMISE!" Vaden said solemnly. "I VOW MY UNLIFE ON IT."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" Plank asked in disbelief.

"I… I… I promise also!" Xeight said. She lowered her head. "But I will still kill you after," she whispered.

"Are you insane?" Plank demanded.

"No, but Ziri is," 5torm commented. "So, are you in Ziri?"

"SEMPAI NOTICED ME!" Ziri cried. "O_O I mean… uh, sure, whatever, I'm in."

"For once… I am with the Sneevil," Pax said. "You have my word."

"Indeed!" Sekt said. "In the eternity I have spent crossing dimensions, I have never encountered ANYONE like you 5torm. You can count on my wisdom and power."

"You all legit lost your marbles!" Plank cried.

"Scarletta?" 5torm asked.

"You restored my beauty," Scarletta began. "But all the make up in the world will not cover up the ugliness in my heart. I will never apologize to the world for what I have done. But I will join you…To atone for it."

"Don't atone on my behalf," 5torm said. "I'm more evil than any of you. It's not like I care." She breathed a sigh of relief. "That only leaves one."

"OOOOOH HECK NO!" Plank cried. "I'm not some sword wielding, magic casting, time traveling hero. I'm a freaking table!" The others waited. "You're ALL really doing this?"

"Yes," they all replied.

Plank gulped. "5torm, are you going to tell them WHO **IT** is?"

"I was hoping you would Plank," 5torm replied, "when you choose to join us."

"Then," Plank whispered, "let me tell you a secret, about what Hero brought to the Antique Shop of Horrors that day."

5torm opened the box and showed them all what was within.

Within the darkness were whispers. "He sits upon a Throne of Darkness… like raging fire his shadows engulf the land…. What is undead, can never die…. never die… never die… never… die…"

**Author's Note:**

> There's no real plot line here. I had several bits of scenes that needed to go somewhere and they ended up here. But there some points I'd like to re-iterate. Who the ***bleep*** thought that thing with Gravelyn was a good idea? It makes her look stupid and makes the script writer look foolish as a result.
> 
> And then there's the matter of the Tower of Mirrors. What happens if the hero is a woman? A noticeable portion of the script becomes mostly nonsense. And then there's _What if the 'hero' is someone very evil like 5torm?_ and virtually the entire script becomes complete nonsense. Again, this shows a lack of fore-thought from the script writer. You'd think after 8 years of creating this game, the team would be more astute at avoiding these kinds of errors. I mean, you allow us to be evil heroes so come on! EVIL! We're talking Breaking Bad here! What happens when the "hero" is more evil than the villain?
> 
> Of course, if it wasn't for their lapses in thought, I wouldn't be able to write this stuff. Either their mistakes make me shake my head or they make me laugh so I'm not complaining too loudly. Hopefully, I will leave the reader chuckling.


End file.
